When should you (not) start a new hash
by "GVG"
Date: 03-08-2007
Not a good idea to split the hash except for distance
and if overcrowded (more than 100 regulars?)
Most of us, hashers, were sometimes locals and
sometimes expats. Both are temporary stages, expat
being more temporary. When I am an expat, I have far
more free time.
If someone works half hard at hash and is present most
of runs, his/hers opinion will be heard and eventually
she/he will not be able to avoid becoming part of
mismanagement. This is what a local in Belgrade,
Serbia wrote:
Hash Mismanagement *
(a cry for volunteers)
Hash requires minimum interference. Works best with
Grand Master (GM), Religious Advisor (RA) and Hash
Scribe (HS) \ Hash Cash (HC)*. Material for the first
two positions is preferably:
ƒ{ Expatriate
Why expatriate?
„X Has far more free time than married people (but
will find that out too late).
Why a runner? - Although it tolerates walkers, hash is
a running club
* What is mismanagement supposed to do?
Grand Master (GM) - The titular head of the Hash.
Presides over the opening of the circle at trail's
end. Capable of telling hundreds of hashing anecdotes
all starting something like this: "when I was hashing
in Antarctica, we stopped at this pub and..." GM is
the one that reads the manual when everything else
fails. Edits BEER H3 Herald. Delegates jobs and than
does them secretly by himself. Also makes random and
arbitrary decisions about hash activities that
everyone ends up ignoring.
Religious Advisor (RA) - The person who "punishes"
members of the pack for trail crimes in the circle**
after each trail. Pretends to know several hashing
songs and up to ten words in English. Has a column in
BEER H3 Herald that no one reads. Must be able to yell
and be yelled at and must also be fluent in gibberish.
**circle is where we have beers, strange rituals and
songs.
Hash Cash\Hash Scribe (HC\HS) - Collects cash that the
pack gives before each and every run to buy the beer
and munchies. Doles out said cash to the Biermeister,
Foodmeister, Hash Crier, Webgeek, and others in
mismanagement for expenses as applicable while at the
same time keeping the hash from going totally broke.
Also writes down a list of the hashers in the pack so
we know who got lost at the end of the trail. Writes
boring articles for BEER H3 Herald. Adept at using the
terms "no way in hell" and "piss off".
plus
Acting Everything (AE) - Pretends to be the GM and\or
RA when the GM and\or RA aren't able to preside over
the post-trail ceremonies in the circle. Must be
astute in acting officious and tight-arsed.
Hare Raiser (HR) - An undercover agitator who seeks
out hashers (usually after they've had a few drinks)
and signs them up for haring future runs. Will
interpret even the most lukewarm response to such
inquiries as a "yes".
Web Geek (WG) - (aka Cyberwank) Handles all the
website crap. Sports a pasty white complexion from all
those long hours indoors. Gets sunburn from anything
brighter than a 60 watt bulb.
and
Hash Trash - Weaves a creative (if not entirely
factual) story of the happenings of each run and
distributes to the entire hash for general amusement.
plus, maybe if h3 grows:
Biermeister - Bearer of the amber nectar. Provides
love, warmth, and thirst quenching refreshment to each
and every hash. Must have a vehicle with large cargo
capacity and good shock absorbers to prevent undue
foam-age.
and
Foodmeister - Provider of the munchies after each and
every trail. Must be able to feed thousands of hungry
hashers with almost no money and fewer than 1% of the
pack falling prey to food poisoning.
(the last guy performing both above functions served
vine instead of beer and got crucified for it)
Haberdasher - Provides hash attire and hash
accessories to the pack. Able to create humorous and
long lasting shirts, shorts, hats, and drinking
vessels out of thin air.
ƒ{ Single
ƒ{ Runner
ƒ{ Not allergic to beer
ƒ{ Scheduled to stay in the country for minimum 6
months, longer is the better
ƒ{ Regular at the hash
„X Has more free time than locals (who have houses to
fix, relatives, old friends, ex wifes and other
tiresome commitments).
„X More likely to attract to hash other expatriates,
whom he\she meets at parties, which locals don't have
time to attend.
„X Having in (half) mind recent Balkan's history, less
likely to provoke paranoia in susceptible expat's
(being paranoid does not mean they are not out
there to get you).
„X Less embarrassed to perform silly rituals in a
country where no one knows him\her.
„X Why not? (Good, honest, church going people are out
of the question anyway).
Why single?
„X More likely to structure free time at the parties
(such as h3).
Why a beer drinker? - Beer drinking at the hash is
tradition, disregarding tradition brings bad luck.
Why longer stay? - Everyone is sick of elections.
Why regular at the hash? - GM, RA and HC\HS are the
soul of the hash. Their presence makes things function
even if they do little work.